It is said that all humans have a light and dark side. Until recently I did not fully understand this statement, I always thought of this as good vs. evil…and certainly I am not evil thus there is only the light in me…right? Revelations come in so many ways.

For different reasons I was a bit down last night, thoughts of the past weighed heavily on my mind…negative energy was creeping into my present…weighing me down, binding me. But what could I do? My feeling are my feelings, my fears my fears.

Today I began a new book…I love to read…to learn…I have a bookshelf of books waiting for me…It was a hard decision…there is one I just purchased when visiting NC and I can’t wait to read it…but this other book kept drawing my eye…I started reading…it wasn’t long before a specific line spoke to me…“it takes self-discipline and downright internal power to integrate the light and the dark forces that reside within us all.” As I read this, it was almost as if I was being challenged and ooooh do I love a challenge. I read and reread this line…what does this mean to me?….what images play in my head as I read this?…why has this feeling of ‘sadness and foreboding” come over me in the last day?…why do thoughts and memories of the past make me feel this way?

Whenever facing a problem, I step back to analyze it from a better view. I tried to imagine this is not me feeling this way. What would I say to my best friend if he was telling me how he felt? I won’t go into detail, but I looked at the underlying force (past experiences). I picked up the darkness in my hands, analyzing it, turning it, examining it. I realized the darkness I was experiencing, though allowed by me, was not caused by me. I learned by allowing this darkness from my past into my present I could destroy my future. Maybe the darkness can be something you allow in, not something that is truly a part of you. If this is not a part of you, why would I let it control me…causing me fear?

I am far from perfect. I accept my flaws, they are what makes me me. But this demon is one I will stand and fight. Although this battle is an internal one, I am worthy of breaking the chains of the past allowing happiness and honest love in.

I believe in me, I believe in my love, I believe in us.