Hello again, I haven't really been gone, just out there surfing all the other great blogs enjoying all the posts. Six -Thanks for the great hook up with anysoldier.com....Carrot Cake thanks for the laughs - stay strong gf....you carry a heavy load. Petra7770 - thanks for the beautiful soul sharing. I have never read any poetry that has moved me like this mans. You are truly incredible, and I hope you let us all know when you are officially published. Jim you crack me up - love your humor.

It's funny how reading other peoples posts makes me feel as though I have entered a community - a safe haven. No one can put a face to your name....you can vent, cry, plead, etc etc all with anonymity.

Petra came along into my life at a very interesting time. As you know I am a single mom....well actually there is more to that I met this guy when I was 20, he proposed when I was 21 I laughed....(hmmm there is the first clue which I missed at the time.) I suggested we try living together. I have never been one of those women who have planned the big lavish wedding since she was 3. My parents were divorced before I was 2....and my grandparents were married for over 50 years, but I would not consider their relationship to be one to emulate (I love and miss them both dearly since they have passed on.) I just didn't find them to be emotionally there for one another. Something I desire in a relationship.

Well I was together with this guy for over 12 years when he came home from a 'business trip' (I hear you cake) and decided we were getting married (ding dong #2) Why do you want to get married after 12 years? Well, I let him convince me, and I really have always wanted a baby. So I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. I had a great pregnancy...no morning sickness (thank god), healthy all the way thru...but he was a dick....he started messing around (actually he messed around prior to my getting pregnant and thought getting married would? clean up what he had done?!) Let's just say he did very little to hide his messing around....finally we ended it - my son was 15 months old - but he wanted the skank....and to be honest, I was glad it was over...I was tired of the bs. and having to pay for formula and diapers on a cc. Every penny I made went to paying the bills....and most of them were his toys....He never had the balls to admit the truth.....but come on girls; we know when they're messing around don’t we?

My dream has never been of a big wedding. I have no interest in being the center of attention in a room of 200+ people. My dream has always been to ....well, as Petra says, find my 'soul mate'. I want a man who is my more than my best friend. I want a man who is a spiritual reflection of me. The goddess and the god. More than sexual. More than obligation. I don't need you to survive; I do very well on my own. I don't need your money, or your material possessions...they mean nothing. Explore me, respect me, appreciate me, love me, learn me, become a part of me....as I will you.

My ex-husband was never what I yearned for. I guess in my soul I new that back then, but I will chalk the path I chose up to my inexperience in life....and age. (Sounds good doesn’t it? and I should say I would do it all again just to have my son)

The absolute end of my emotional plug was lost when I had to ask my gyn for an aids test....I figured looking back if there were one, there could have been many. And seeing at the time he had very little to do with his son, if I were to be sick, I needed to do some serious planning. Luckily my test was fine. (Whew heavy breath of relief.)

Just a little over 2 years ago I met another man. I never believed in love at first sight....but I fell hard....he wasn't the first guy since the X but wow. I have never felt with a man how he made me feel. It was a great experience. He had two kids....and in the beginning he wasn't very involved with them....but that changed and that was a good thing....As much as I loved this man, he gave me no breathing room. We had a bit of physical distance between us...but we worked around it as best we could.

I work full time, own my own rental property, and have pets....so I have responsibilities other than just my self, and my son. Dealing with the problems and situations that arise, became a stressful situation. He always wanted me by his side, which was fine, but again, I always needed to put myself and my responsibilities last. Weekends consisted of hanging out and relaxing....I am not that way....Weekends are when I live, I breathe, I re-energize....I am stuck in a business office all week long-being serious and professional....I yearn to get out on the weekends...camping, hiking, air, water, fire, laughter and fun, I need it all -

In the beginning - I felt safe, loved, adored...he asked me to marry him... (I did not).towards the end just shortly after the proposal (which was done over the phone after his ex told him she didn’t want their kids any more), I felt guilty, antsy and caged. His anger for not being there every moment to help him out with his new responsibilities was too much.

I will always have a place for him in my heart and I am thankful that I was able to find the feelings with him that I had never experienced prior in my life.

Since him the men have been shallow, exposed, closed minded....they all have their agenda's. I don't know if it is because I need more time to heal....or if it is the type of guys that I seem to be meeting....but I was starting to think that finding depth in a man was going to be a completely impossible feat.
I was starting to think it was time to get more cats....and put the spinster sign on the door (lol).

So, for now, faith will prevail. I know the god and goddess have a plan for me....and hopefully they will lead me to my 'soul mate' when the time is right. Until then I guess I am swimming in the shallow end....

Blessings to you all
Super

Isn't it amazing how all the little pieces seem to fall together in ones life? Faith in ones self, determination, and patience somehow all seem to bring it together. Of course, for me, patience is probably the most difficult piece. Like most of my instant gratification seeking counterparts, we want everything yesterday. How we have forgotten the lessons of prior generations where good things are worth waiting for.

As we continue to move progressively forward with technology, is it possible to maintain the values of yesterday? Remember when we used to have to heat a meal for 45 - 50 minutes and now it only takes 4 in the microwave? When the day comes that the microwave is no longer fast enough, how do we maintain patience in other aspects of our lives?

The internet brings us 24 hour a day contact with the outside world. You can shop for whatever at 3am if you desire, you can bank in your pajamas....single parents can meet others when they tuck their babies in bed for the night. We search for the quick fix, but we may realize that the 'fix' isn't necessarily what it was that we were truly searching for.

May you all find the pieces you are searching for.

Blessed be
Super

I thought if you kept rubbing the bottle, the genie was suppose to grant you 3 wishes.......maybe I shouldn't have drank what was inside...lol

any ways another crazy day in crazy town.....my boss actually told me the reasons behind his resignation....not good....actually maybe it is good...he confirmed all that I have been thinking about this new company that has taken us over.

little monster here I come.....running and screaming.

ok monday sucked. If god was capable of creating all in 6 days and taking the 7th to rest, shouldn't our hr department be able to get results on a background check in less than a week? Well,,,,maybe its jsust me and the pms talking

Tuesday - better the headache and pms have subsided and self preservation is taking over. All in the office have started laughing hysterically at our situations - its kind of like an insane assylum. ?does one begin to act insane when one is in this type of situation? is this self preservation? is there sanity upon parole?

Tuesday is date night with my son. He gets to make the decisions where and what we eat, and any other activities. We did a healthy dinner (little coaching from mom) and chuck-e-cheese. Cant make a kid happier than that. Welcome back to reality mom. All the rest really doesnt matter..... = )

Ok - Monday just sucked....pms, back to work, and the hr department sucks. Why does it take a week to do a @#$%$% background check? You can buy a house in less time. Ok, the place is driving me fricking crazy. I can see how this company has already gone bankrupt once....and shouldn't be long for the next filing.

Tuesday....well the pms is better, and we are actually laughing at the ridiculousness of work. When your in an insane assylum, does one join in in a sense of self preservation? And is there sanity again when you are released?

Tuesdays are date night with my son. This is a night where my son makes all the decisions. We did dinner and some playtime at chuck e cheese. Can't make a kid happier (specially when theyre 6). This is what life is all about = ) Welcome back to reality mom. The rest is all fiction.