It is said that all humans have a light and dark side. Until recently I did not fully understand this statement, I always thought of this as good vs. evil…and certainly I am not evil thus there is only the light in me…right? Revelations come in so many ways.

For different reasons I was a bit down last night, thoughts of the past weighed heavily on my mind…negative energy was creeping into my present…weighing me down, binding me. But what could I do? My feeling are my feelings, my fears my fears.

Today I began a new book…I love to read…to learn…I have a bookshelf of books waiting for me…It was a hard decision…there is one I just purchased when visiting NC and I can’t wait to read it…but this other book kept drawing my eye…I started reading…it wasn’t long before a specific line spoke to me…“it takes self-discipline and downright internal power to integrate the light and the dark forces that reside within us all.” As I read this, it was almost as if I was being challenged and ooooh do I love a challenge. I read and reread this line…what does this mean to me?….what images play in my head as I read this?…why has this feeling of ‘sadness and foreboding” come over me in the last day?…why do thoughts and memories of the past make me feel this way?

Whenever facing a problem, I step back to analyze it from a better view. I tried to imagine this is not me feeling this way. What would I say to my best friend if he was telling me how he felt? I won’t go into detail, but I looked at the underlying force (past experiences). I picked up the darkness in my hands, analyzing it, turning it, examining it. I realized the darkness I was experiencing, though allowed by me, was not caused by me. I learned by allowing this darkness from my past into my present I could destroy my future. Maybe the darkness can be something you allow in, not something that is truly a part of you. If this is not a part of you, why would I let it control me…causing me fear?

I am far from perfect. I accept my flaws, they are what makes me me. But this demon is one I will stand and fight. Although this battle is an internal one, I am worthy of breaking the chains of the past allowing happiness and honest love in.

I believe in me, I believe in my love, I believe in us.

How does one
Move from the past
Into a future
Untainted by the last

The lies
The pain
I still don’t understand
What did he think he would gain?

Human we are
But natures honesty
I have learned
Is the best way to be

Why can’t they see
Living in lies
Only leads to
One’s own demise

I look around
All that I see
Is what has already
Happened to me

Cheating lying
Causing the other pain
Just for ones own
Personal gain

Moving forward
Letting go
Asking help to learn
What I need to know

With great hope
I plead from above
Please please
Show me how to love

Let me forget
What has been done
In order for me
To be with my one.

Look within….

How is it evil can lurk in people?
How can one be so cruel?
Why does one choose to be malicious to someone they supposedly once loved?
Behaviors and actions cause pain….
Pain that can not be cured…
Situations crumble, feelings change
Move on, let go,
Let go of the behaviors
Let go of the person
Let go of the pain

She does not love him
She hasn’t for years
Yet she causes chaos
She intentionally causes pain
I can’t understand why
Why is her heart hardend so?
How can this evil lurk?
Living and feeding on this individual?
Like a cancer
Causing so much grief?

One can not heal
One can not move on
If one continues to stay put.
Hostility, anger, pain…
Misdirected….
It is yourself you need to examine…..
Not the ones you hurt.

Can you believe….

The first time you lay eyes on someone
You know they are the one

Your first kiss
Is familiar

You touch
And electricity courses thru every molecule of your being

You search their eyes
you see their soul, and yourself too

Nothing has ever felt so comfortable…
So natural as being with this person

It is completion

And when you must leave….
As hard as that is, you still feel like they are with you.

Like a feather floating from the sky
Flying on the currents as it falls
Down, down, down
Twisting and turning
Gracefully falling
In control of its’ own destiny
Its’ original purpose now fulfilled
Change is inevitable
Where will it go?
What new purpose will it serve?
A tool for writing
A piece of a collection
A gift from above….
To be used for adornment
Or in cleansing ritual
Its destiny and purpose may have changed,
But it is still the same feather.